Dave Matthews- A plead for Help

I feel that I have so much to write...I'm running on a low amount of sleep as well so hopefully everything I am about to say will make sense. So last night one of my life goals was accomplished. I got to see The Dave Matthews Band in concert! The concert was better than I could even dream, I loved everything about it!! They def. do not disappoint so if you are a fan, I highly recommend going!! My friends Marlene, Katie, and Adam all went and the girls are not avid fans, but they both were having a blast! I was not able to take in my camera to the show itself, so all I have are a few pics from our dinner at Chili's. At the concert, there was of course drinking and marjuana, but actually not as much as I thought there would be. We had the privilege to be right next to a row of tokers who lit up the entire concert, the aroma was just fabulous. Totally kidding! I was really enjoying the concert, I danced almost the entire time, screamed and clapped ALOT, it was all in all a blast. We got back real late and last night I started having a broken heart for everyone in that arena as I went to bed, but shoved it down since sleep was more important to me at the time. Wrong thing to do. God woke up me earlier than I was expecting to me up. And my mind has been going ever since...I know I shouldn't make assumptions that majority of the people at the concert were non-believers, but I'm going to anyway. The crowd that I was around and those that I was able to watch, if they do know Jesus, they perhaps have just either not understood what it means to live for Christ, or they are ignoring it. I then observed many people quite literally worshipping this band. I was telling my friends after the show that I even feel funny raising my hands up at a concert because this is how I worship God, so even though I know I am not worshipping the DMB, the simple act of raising both hands feels weird. My heart just broke for these people. It made me more aware than I have felt in a long time of just how worldly people are. How much I need to be more active in showing Christ to others. I'm not saying I will not attend concerts such as these because of that reason. If anything, it makes me want to go more so that hopefully God uses me in these places. Maybe people noticed that none of us were consuming things. Perhaps they thought, "Man are those people not having fun or what?" But then to observe us dancing, laughing, and still having a great time could maybe affect someone. Who knows. So I had those thoughts which then led into other thoughts...

I know I have written over and over again in these last few weeks, maybe months I don't know about my attitude. I think this morning I have realized that I need to ask for much needed prayer. The truth of the matter is, I am struggling. And it is a hard thing for me to write that because I never want anyone to look at me thinking that I am not my normal, encouraging self, but I'm not. I am finding it hard to get up each day feeling that I am making a difference in people's lives. I feel that those that I am around, I am not helping. I am trying to meet people's needs (which I know I need to stop because that isn't my job), but I am just trying to be a mere friend and that ends up blowing up in my face. Now before you start thinking to yourself, "oh crap, is she talking about me?"...I honestly know that most of this stuff is in my head. But it isn't going away. I come home and I am just plain sad. I go out and I am just plain sad. And people are taking notice of this! This is when people start asking, "What's wrong?" "Did you have a bad day?" "Kara, what's your problem?" And honestly, I don't have an answer! I didn't even realize that I wasn't faking it enough. I thought I was still coming across as bubbly Kara. Several people remind me how apparently my smile and laugh are contagious and how they haven't really seen or heard it as much as they used to. I don't know what else to say to this except that I am sorry. I don't really know what is going on with me these days. So all I know to do is to ask for prayer. And that is totally hard for me to do and I don't know why that is either. I think I feel ashamed with me right now. I feel numb. I am praying that this is because I am getting ready to have something really big happen with me. Maybe God is getting ready to move in my life in such a way that it's going to be awesome. I don't know. Just pray please.

And finally another prayer request...I have been wondering if perhaps these feelings are because I am refusing to move. I keep thinking about Nashville a lot. I don't know if this is because this is a place that I just really loved when I visited Marlene, or if God is trying to get me to go? This is, of course, a little scary as I feel that I love my job here so finding another one in this economy could be really hard. Then again, if God wants me to go, I know He will supply me with my needs. Then I think, oh man...I'm going to go and be alone...but then I think...well I feel like that a lot of time here in Lynchburg too. My friends are slowly all moving away anyways. All of this is just taking a lot of brain space for me right now. And I am at a loss as to what to do. So I just write to plead for you guys, all who care, to pray. Please love on me, encourage me, remind me of God's provision.

I know this was all a lot. Who knew my post about my Dave Matthews experience would end on such a sad note. For that, I am sorry. This was just my plead for help. Thanks.