God Is Love in ALL Things!

Growing up I used to hate and despise change! This blog has focused a lot around that. Throughout my late twenties I have experienced so much change it has made my head spin. More change seems to be coming my way and I have learned to take it as it comes. My tendency in the past has been to fight it off and complain. I'm choosing to pick my battles, after all God wins no matter what :)

I've learned what it means to not act more spiritual than I am lately. Sometimes I don't have all the answers. I must lean on the spiritual discernment I get from the Lord. I ask for His wisdom and guidance throughout everything life throws my way. In doing this, decisions that I may make are not always going to win over the people that surround me. I let guilt from others enter into my thoughts way too much. I am constantly wanting to please everyone and stay on the positive side of everyone's opinions. I really need to surrender this over.

I have learned how much God's love can cover me. He is always on my side. He may not always love things that I do, but He still loves ME. I try to do right by Scripture, I seek His face and counsel in all things, and try to never be anxious but present all things as my prayer and petition to Him. I have learned to lean on Him and Him alone. I have learned how much I cherish those around me who can give sound advice, yet keep opinions to themselves. As long as I follow the Lord, they continue to love and support me. I am truly thankful for that.

I've learned how much wisdom my mom has and how much I haven't given her credit for her relationship with God. I would boast too much and think too much of myself in thinking I knew more than her when it came to spiritual matters. I have since repented and asked her forgiveness for doing so. She is my mom. She tries her best to seek the Lord as my parent and friend. She wants only what is best. The Lord gave her me to take care and watch over. I seek God's love shown to me through her. It is a beautiful thing.

So in all things, God is love. Never underestimate how much He loves you!

An Old Friend

I have neglected to write and keep up with this blog for quite some time. Recent developments in my life have prompted me to pick it back up again. I have found through my writing I am able to reflect and see how good the Lord truly is to me. Remembering I had this blog, I took some time to read over past blogs. I have poured my heart out into so many of these posts and saw how I have overcome (only through Jesus!) so many situations in my life. I would love to think that my life will consist of nothing but rainbows and butterflies but that simply is not so. Who grows from nothing but happiness in their life? My greatest battles have defined who I am today. Even a mist the happiest of times in my life, God is always pruning and teaching along the way.

As of late, I have acquired someone very special to me. It only took 28 years for me to find him (or him me, I'm not sure). One thing is very certain...God orchestrated it all which deserves nothing short of an "amen"! I am now dating my best friend. Him and I have been through and watched each other in some of the battles I have written about. We still incur battles even now, but we have stuck by one another. My warm fuzzy, romantic self says he is the best thing that God has put into my life. I have seen how skeptical I had become on believing their was such a man as he. I am cherished, loved, adored, prayed for, encouraged, blown away, and so many other words that I can't even express. So much more than that is how our hearts seem to just naturally fit. So our story begins...a journey that I have been waiting a long time for God to place into my life. I am excited for so many things. I am excited to see how I feel so comfortable with this man. I am excited to see how I still put God exactly where He needs to be in this relationship as I have failed on that so many other times before. I had the tendency to want to place my significant others on pedestals while God took a back seat. Not this time. Maybe it is my age, maybe it is the season I have been in for some time, who knows but either way I am blessed.

Our relationship is one that has many opinions thrown our way. This is also nothing new to me as I know new relationships will always have skeptics and cheerleaders. Ultimately, God is our Judge and our Guide. We are fully relying on HIM to show us the way and guide our steps. We have both never felt such peace about each decision we make as we do now. I believe God has given me a real sense and Spirit of discernment. I know when I am being obedient and when I am not. Your fruit will show as evidence of that as well. In this, I am being obedient. We have sought counsel, and we have already seen evidence of God's hand on this relationship. True miracles have been shown which has been, for lack of a better word, awesome!!!

I will try harder at continuing to write especially with new developments. Let this season of my life's journey begin...

Finding My Fit

I haven't written in my blog for a long time. I'm sure at this point I don't have any readers, but it can serve as a good outlet for me. I have found that I often write when I am going through a rough time in my life. Most of my past posts have been about transitions, change, and the overall molding that God is doing with me. I have reached yet another point where this is happening to me.

Growing up was fun for a while, but now it is becoming slightly painful. I have found that recently God is pruning me again. Pruning can be a very good thing as it shapes me to be more like Christ. I won't lie though, it sucks sometimes too. What I am finding to be painful now is that I am experiencing a loneliness that I cannot recognize. This is not a loneliness of desiring a partner in life (although that will be great whenever God wants to bless me with that), but it is more of a feeling that God is preparing me for something bigger. I have no idea what this "bigger" will entail or even what it is regarding, but God is putting me in a place where I am all His. My friendships are changing drastically. I look around and I am finding that there are few that are going through the same thing I am.

I am not a person who enjoys alone time. I am the example of what extrovert is in every sense of the word :) I am also in a point in my faith where I know to listen to God when He speaks. If he is taking me to a place where He is causing me to be lonely, I must follow. I desire to be in only His will. He hasn't led me astray. But this is hard. That sentence seems so mundane but it is all I can say to express this grueling time. I have one friend who seems to be going through a similar path, but it would be unhealthy for me to cling to them instead of to the Lord. It doesn't help that this person is one of the opposite sex. I know my tendencies of attaching myself to my male friends as that is such a comfort to me, but it seems to always get me in trouble. So I know not to do that.

I am having a hard time finding where I fit within my community now. Do you ever experience times where you don't feel needed? I am a person who needs to feel needed or else I feel I am not doing what God wants me to do. I'm not pouring into people in ways that I feel I could. I also am not getting poured into either in some ways by others because as I stated, my friendships have changed drastically. So God has me alone; no where but up to look.

I constantly want to be transparent in my faith with God, so this is what this is. My honesty could come across as hostile or angry but I am neither of these things. I am not upset with God, but I am in a haze. No clue what He is doing. What I can take comfort in is knowing I do belong one place which is in His presence. So I'll just stay there for this season of life.