Day 9-Gazing at Beauty

I am hooked on "My Beloved" by Cory Ashbury. He is an amazing artist. His CD has a mixture of all kinds of music and I am in love. Yesterday and today were good in terms of me sticking to my worship music-only times. I have also started praying outloud in my car on my way to work each morning which instills in me this power of Christ. I can really feel my Holy Spirit working. It is encouraging to think that my prayers are getting answered in the lives of those I am praying over. Of course the Penecostal in me would much rather prefer the laying of hands on these people, but this will do :) I have been frantically working on my school work today/tonight. I really do forget that I am still in school some days. Tomorrow is April Fools day and I can't remember the last time I pulled a Fools prank on someone. I'm actually normally the one getting pranked as I am probably one of the most gullible people. I see a slew of friends tomorrow so there is no telling what I may get tricked into thinking. And also side note....the weather around here has been GORGEOUS!! I have been trying to soak up the most of outdoors as my job allows during the day. This weather helps keep the spirit up too. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD!

Day 7 and 8

Already skipping days, shame on me. I was so exhausted yesterday and not feeling good because of it though that I just didn't have the energy to turn my computer on since I stare at it all day at work. I am determined to bite this dumb insecurity in the butt right now. As I wrote on day 1, this is to be a time where I just really grow in the Lord. This is not a time for me to be down on myself, my situations, or anyone else for that matter. I have also decided that as much as I absolutely love music of all styles and genres, I need to just focus on my worship music right now. I tend to listen to majority worship music anyway, but I need to make it an all-around time. Luckily, I have been able to keep to my Bible reading and journal writing each morning. I totally sacrifice sleep to do so, but I just cannot stand waiting until the afternoon before I can "put on my armor".
So many of you have been such an amazing source of encouragement for me and I can't tell you how much it means to me to have you guys praying for me and just giving me words of affirmation. Please keep it up..especially to those who know of my situation. Love you guys!

Day 6- Pruning

Today's post will be short as I am extremely tired and wanting to go to bed! This weekend all in all was definitely a challenge. I believe that some breaking down started to occur that perhaps needed to happen. Today I was able to just remember how much God loves me, and also how pruning is just a part of the process in our spiritual growth. I would rather God prune me as a branch as opposed to throwing me into the fire. Tonight I also had the privilege to have wonderful Godly women pray over me. I have started to have such a better prayer life these days which really makes me happy because for whatever the reason, prayer has always been a hard discipline for me. Worship is never hard for me to do because I am constantly singing, but prayer is another story. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I hardly ever get myself quiet enough to take the time out to really just sit in the quiet lap of my Father. During this journey, I do feel that prayer will become a larger portion of my spiritual growth and I am excited about that.

Day 5- Fear

I certainly hope yesterday and todays themes are not to be the way I will feel for the next 2 months. I would like to think that I am getting all negative feelings out of the way now, then it can only get easier from here. That may be wishful thinking, but then again...my God can restore and can heal :) So in a previous post I spoke about the verse that tells us to trust in God's unfailing love. My verse today told me to praise Him for His unfailing love. How appropriate. We trust so that then we can praise! I have not done so well with praising Him today. I haven't really done much of anything. I've been somewhat indifferent. I have gotten things accomplished around my house, caught up on some must needed rest, and had great bonding with my roommate, but not much on praising Him.
The title of the post speaks of fear. The fear is of being hurt. Usually the things that we learn the most from go hand-in-hand with dealing with pain. At least it does for me. Things in my past that have hurt me the most, I have come out with the greatest strength. It is God's way of pruning me as His branch. (Read in John about the Vine and the Branches). I don't mind being pruned so that I may be a better servant for Him, but when it involves my heart...I get scared and timid. Don't you?
Anyway, tonight will be filled with fun and I'm sure a lot of laughs so I am looking forward to that. And whenever I am with a group of friends, I always am thanking God in the back of my mind no matter what we are doing for giving me these wonderful blessings :) So for now and the rest of the night...I praise you Jesus for the love you give me without fail!

Day 4- Insecure

It could be the rain. It could be the fact that I am sooo exhausted, but I am feeling insecure today about myself and my situation. It is amazing how I can have so many awesome, good days and then BAM! Satan knows where to attack. I had to face something last night that had a lot to do with this whole 2 month process and it was just a very different feeling. I started questioning if the outcome of this time is going to be what I hope it to be. I start questioning motives, my actions, my thoughts, etc. I question everything. Then I remember how much of an over-analyzer I am. My friends can all attest to that. So I have to remain and be still. Ps. 56:10 reminded me of this. It says, "In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise--in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Powerful! Thank you Jesus! So that is precisely what I need to remember. It is precisely what we all need to remember. I do plan on going home and making brownies and watching movies tonight which will help too :) Chocolate and chick flicks are always a good comfort too. I end with a song since music is always what can speak to me most, especially worship...

"Oh no, You never let go. Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go. Every high and every low,
Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me."

Day 3

Today has been wonderful and crazy all at the same time. I have literally been staring at my computer screen since 8:30 this morning and have not stopped typing this and that for my boss. They were going to be gone today, but still have not gotten on the road. I am looking forward to peace and quiet when they leave.
Also one of my dear friends is having her baby today, so I am full of joy over that. Isn't birth incredible!? It just reminds me that everyday there are these precious children being born every hour. It's amazing!! I, myself, may not be quite ready for children (good thing since I don't even have the hubs yet ha), but I am certainly excited for whenever that time in my life comes. So nothing real big today about day 3...just busy and still feeling blessed :)

Day 2- Blessed Be

That song "Blessed Be the Name" was cranked up in my car this morning on my regular commute. I have been putting my iPod on shuffle a lot lately and I love it because each day the right songs get played without me having to skip a thousand times or finally get fed up and go the artist I want to listen to. Anyways, this particular song just fits so perfectly into my today. I am blessed when the sun is shining and I am blessed when the road is marked with suffering. God gets all credit no matter what.

Another amazing thought that may or may not go along with this song is what I was reading in John this morning. I have found it completely liberating to read my Bible each morning as if I were a new Christian who knows nothing. I am actually learning so much more this way. Anyways, a passage that was sticking out to me this morning was about how Jesus had just raised Lazarus from the dead and people were still having a hard time believing in Him. The verse that stuck out to me was, "Even after Jesus had done all these miraculous signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him" John 12:37. Wow. How many times have I seen God work in the life of another or even me and yet I still struggle with doubt of Him sometimes. I am guilty of this verse. So the connection between that verse and this song to me is showing me that I just need to always praise Him for whatever it is I am going through and to remember and BELIEVE that HE is the one working a good work in me.

Day 2...Blessed Be the Name of the Lord!

Day 1-Trust

Day 1, you ask? What does this day 1 mean? What is the significance to this day? Well..unfortunately for you, I will not be sharing what my little countdown is about. I am, however, about to enter into a journey that I have never taken and believe that it could potentially be hard, yet a huge growth time for me. I have decided to enter back into the blogging world and use this as a tool to record my journey into the next 2 months. You will read of the trials I face in each day and the awesome revelations that I know are to come through these next 2 months. Since I will not share what these 2 months stand for specifically, I will share that something has recently been taken away from me for a time and even though I know why it needed to happen...quite frankly the situation sucks for lack of a better term.

So today was Day 1. And day 1 holds trust. I have found that it does get easier to trust God when we start to lessen ourselves and realize how much He wants to give us and teach us! I have treasured the times I have been growing as of late in my relationship with God. It has been remarkable. I feel empty if I don't get to open my Bible everyday and just journal while I read about all the miracles and words of Christ. I don't say this in a boasting way..I only say it as an encouragement to others. I don't always know what God is up to and why certain trials are placed in my life. Sometimes I think, "Gosh, I've been through so much already, what else do you want to throw in my path, God?!" But...I know the reward I receive after going through those trials. And it's really all about God anyway. So...I choose to trust. Ps. 52:8-9 talks of trusting in God's unfailing love forever and ever. I choose that. I will rest in that.