Big Reminders

I love when God smacks you in the face with just a simple good reminder, or two...or 5. I had a good old-fashioned smack-down (all in gentleness, of course) by God during my quiet time this morning. I have been reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" this last week or so and let me tell you, wow! This is the first book I have ever read by Beth Moore. So many of my friends have told me how much they love her books and I will now be one to praise her writing. God has certainly blessed her with an ability to reach into your heart through words and speak to the very core of Scripture. This last chapter I finished reading, I could not manage to even get halfway without needing to go grab by box of tissues. A synopsis of the chapter: all about realizing God loves when we pray BIG, Satan is constantly wanting us to believe the lies he puts in our heads, we do have victory over these lies through Jesus, prepare for battle. Okay, so see what I mean? That is A LOT to take in before 9AM. On top of that are 5 principles Beth wants the reader to remember throughout the book. Those are: 1) I believe God is who He says He is, 2) I believe God will do what He says He will do, 3) I believe I am who God says I am, 4) I believe I can do all things through Jesus Christ, 5) I believe God's Word is living and active in me. So from reading this particular chapter I think I finally realized the current season God has me in. It is a season where God wants me to rest in Him, He hasn't needed me to necessarily to do anything but trust and know HE has it all together for me. And this lesson, as simple as it may sound, has been the hardest time for me. I normally am not a woman who likes to sit back and just let things be, yet I have had to learn this lesson and I continue to learn it. I also have been dealing with a lot of guilt that has been due to things I've done as well as things others have done. I won't go into all details of what those things were as I can't put EVERYTHING out on the blogging world, but I can share what my personal guilt has been. I have been believing a lie that I am stupid. I recently cut back on my hours at work because I was finding a hard time balancing my home life from work. I was suffering from anxiety that I have never experienced, my control tendencies were at their highest, and I was exhausted. And all of this was from a job where I am doing front desk. Not a job where you would think all these symptoms would happen. I would not be a happy wife for my hubbie and we are still complete newlyweds, not even been married a year. I almost felt a depression coming upon me and I hated it. So I have had to swallow taking a huge pay-cut but gaining emotional health and psychological health. My relationship with God has been on the up and up as well which is the most important of all. All this being said, I started to feel stupid. Here I am staying home more (which is what I have really always wanted, to be a domestic housewife) but my poor husband is out everyday slaving away at his job and I have caused us to be in an even more financially tight situation. What was I thinking? Then as I began to read the pages of this book coupled with Scripture, I realized this is a decision that God was involved in as well. My husband and I are tight when it comes to money, but there are definitely ways we could still switch up our budget. I am the world's worst at wanting to constantly eat out or even pick out recipes that require way too many ingredients. These are not necessary things. God revealed to me this morning that this is another way in how He can be glorified. We can show others that you can adjust your lifestyle to better fit what is His will for you. For us, that means I am totally allowed to not work as much. I don't have to feel guilty with the fact that I do find fulfillment in staying home and making our house a home more. I enjoy being the kind of wife who is a safe haven for when my husband comes home from a hard day. That guilt can just melt right off. I believe I am who God says I am and I believe God will do what He says He will do. These two statements need to be said more out-loud by me. Satan no longer has a hold on me with this or any area. I know I will still have my struggles and he will try to take away my victory, but I know my victory was already won. I just need to believe it. Not to write so much because I know I have gone on and on already...I also have realized how much God does deserve to hear my big prayers no matter how "stupid" I may feel. God is deserving enough for me to believe He can still do big things for me and that no matter how He may choose to answer He will be glorified. Whew, in any case...if you haven't read that book, go read it. Especially if you are dealing with your faith and feeling like you are caught in a hum-drum place in your walk. I have been so encouraged!!

Becoming Domestic...maybe

I have been terrible at this whole blogging thing, but I always think about writing a new post and then never do it. I always feel more of a need to write when I have reached another large stepping stone in life. A lot has changed for me in the last year or so. The best and biggest change has been I am now a wife! Finally! I have always been the kind of girl when people ask what did I want to be when I grew up, my answer was always a wife and mom. Well the mom thing is not going to be happening anytime soon and to be honest is more something I wrestle with God about in prayer. I have too many feelings of fear and lack of faith in myself to think I could be a good mom. Plus, my husband has 3 children of his own so I guess you could say I already have a glimpse of what motherhood is all about. Since becoming married, I am not working as much at my job. Many people, both men and women, do not full understand why I would want to be at home more. It seems we live in a world now where many women are in the workforce and really have no desire to be stay-at-home wives or moms. I do understand many of them are left with no choice as bills pile up, mouths need to be fed, and they HAVE to work in order to help support their families. Kudos to them! For me, I truly have just never felt called to work. I do realize this may come across that I am simply just a lazy person. I am sure there are people out there who think this means I want to just sit around at home all day watching soap operas while eating bon-bons. Such a cliche way of thinking. But here is my reasoning to being a stay-at-home wife (and maybe one day mom). First, I know a large reason does come from my own upbringing. My mom stayed home with me while I was growing up. She did work up until she had me, but she did cut back on her hours once she was married as well. I believe part of my thinking also comes with the simple fact that I feel this IS my calling. Sure, my husband and I struggle financially like everyone else does. We are currently in the midst of trying to eliminate debt and rack up our savings so we can live comfortably at a retirement age. We are blessed that he has a job that he, for the most part, enjoys and can possibly have an early retirement. I would rather us have to eat PB&J sandwiches and Ramen Noodles for dinner in order to sacrifice me being home. I desire to learn to sew and possibly even have my own quilt business. Those who know me already know I can be extremely OCD when it comes to cleaning so this is always a daily chore for me. Are there days where I don't feel like doing much of anything and want to just sit on my butt? Sure. But then I think, my husband is out there working his butt off...I need to make myself productive and do things around the house! Sometimes I think I was meant to live in the days of the 50s where most women did work in the home. They made their own curtains, cooked for most of the day, cleaned everyday, and provided for their children at home. Susie home-maker. That's me. So even though many do not understand and clearly make their opinions known to me, I have to shut it all off. My role as a wife is to love my husband and to be submissive to him. My role in general is to love God and serve others. By me becoming a "domesticated wife" is my way of being able to do these roles with due diligence. I feel I am best loving my husband when I can make sure our house is a home for him to come to after a hard day. I believe I am best serving my God by spending quality time with Him and allowing myself to have an open schedule to volunteer maybe at church. That is my rant for today. I am going to try and do better at updating this blog more. If nothing else, it does give me something to do and perhaps can help others out there too. Until next time!