"You can have all this world, just give me Jesus!"
This past weekend I went to NOVA to see my best friend for her birthday. As crazy as things have been for me lately (as I'm sure you read in my last post), it was great to get away for a mini vaca and spend time with her. It was not only comfort for me to get away, but it was comfort to get away and be with the person who probably knows me best. I am able to just strip myself down to who I am and she will always accept me. Not to say her and I haven't had some bumps, but what friendship doesn't. Anyway, so she wanted to go to this church called LifePoint on Sunday so I was down. We seriously could not find this place. We drove around Fredricksburg for 30 minutes trying to find it. We went to this other church and asked a couple in the parking lot if they knew where it was, and luckily they knew where the school was that it was being held in. Praise God we got there, late, but we got there. We missed a good part of the worship which I was bummed about because that can really be my way of expressing love for my Savior, but then a pastor (a LU grad) got up and just started out by saying he didn't care if what he was about to talk about was going to offend people because he was going to talk about Truth. He started talking about how our world now is a "my right" society. Everyone thinks they can do what they want, and say what they want because it is "their right". Obviously, that is ridiculous! Sure, we have rights, but there are limits on those rights. Anyway, he also talked about how Christians today may have a lot of head knowledge about Jesus, but not enough application. We become a child of demands instead of bowing down before our King! I have been guilty of this. Alot. When I pray, I find that I am going through the list of things that I need help with or even things that I just plain want. I fail to remember that I am speaking to an All-Powerful, Mighty, KING who deserves for me to fall down on my face and just be thankful. He deserves for me to just surrender. And surrender everything, not just the things I am willing to give up. Those things that I cling so tightly to...those are the things I must surrender most.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Stop This Train
This will be yet another post mainly to help my thoughts get placed together. John Mayer spoke to my heart as I was driving today "Honestly, won't someone just stop this train". This is how I feel today. To catch everyone up to speed, I was involved in a car accident on my way to Florida on spring break. 2 of my friends, Marlene and Danielle, were with me...no one was hurt to the point of needing long-term medical assistance, but we did go that night so the girls could get checked out. I am totally fine, which somehow does not seem completely fair since I was the one driving the car. Everyone keeps re-assuring me that 1)this accident was not my fault, so I shouldn't feel bad, and 2)it was good I was not injured so I could help my friends. I haven't seen it this way. I see it as I should have been the one who was hurt the worst. That is me trying to take on too much for myself though, which I ALWAYS do! God gets tired of me doing that, I'm sure! So anyways, since then I have been on the phone EVERY SINGLE DAY with insurance companies. Luckily, I was not at fault...it was the guy 2 cars behind me who was, so he is getting hit with all kinds of bills, but I don't care whose fault it is...it is a hassle for everyone to deal with!! I have been sleeping really well at night, but I am still exhausted! I need a vacation from my vacation!
So today has been awful because I had to take my car to the adjuster of the guy at fault and he proceeds to tell me that my car is looking at total loss. I love my car and I didn't realize how much! It is awful for me to feel so strongly towards something so material, but I think there are a few factors here...1)my dad gave me that car as a graduation gift after high school, so it has sentimental value to me because it involves him, 2)that car has had SOOO many memories in it! 3)I normally am the friend who takes everyone everywhere, so my car has bonded with people. (I know this is silly, but hence why we have blogs so I can get my feeling written out), and 4)this car has never given me any problems! I'm really going to miss it if it's time for it to go. Who knows what will happen now. Right now I am driving around a rental, a mazda 6, which is a nice car, but I want mine haha.
Then I just feel sick. My back and neck have started hurting me worse, probably just from being sore afterwards, so now I need to make a docs appointment. Then I was stupid and signed up to do a handwriting assignment (Which I will get paid for, PTL), but why did I do this when I don't have time?! I am traveling the next 3 weekends, 2 of those weekends I am running 10ks. I haven't been able to train in the last like 2 weeks, so now I'm out of shape again. I have a friend who I feel I have hurt and I'm scared that we are going to be weird now. I don't like losing people due to my stupidity. I'm just a ball of emotions! I want to cry, but I know if I start...it will take me a while to stop, so since I don't have time to just sit and cry..I blog. It's insane. So to anyone who reads this, please please please pray for me! I am in desperate need of feeling God right now among all of this and I'm so consumed by it all that I'm not allowing myself to stop and just let Him comfort me. So I don't know what else to ask for you to pray about other than just pray that God will be BIG in this. Thanks all.
So today has been awful because I had to take my car to the adjuster of the guy at fault and he proceeds to tell me that my car is looking at total loss. I love my car and I didn't realize how much! It is awful for me to feel so strongly towards something so material, but I think there are a few factors here...1)my dad gave me that car as a graduation gift after high school, so it has sentimental value to me because it involves him, 2)that car has had SOOO many memories in it! 3)I normally am the friend who takes everyone everywhere, so my car has bonded with people. (I know this is silly, but hence why we have blogs so I can get my feeling written out), and 4)this car has never given me any problems! I'm really going to miss it if it's time for it to go. Who knows what will happen now. Right now I am driving around a rental, a mazda 6, which is a nice car, but I want mine haha.
Then I just feel sick. My back and neck have started hurting me worse, probably just from being sore afterwards, so now I need to make a docs appointment. Then I was stupid and signed up to do a handwriting assignment (Which I will get paid for, PTL), but why did I do this when I don't have time?! I am traveling the next 3 weekends, 2 of those weekends I am running 10ks. I haven't been able to train in the last like 2 weeks, so now I'm out of shape again. I have a friend who I feel I have hurt and I'm scared that we are going to be weird now. I don't like losing people due to my stupidity. I'm just a ball of emotions! I want to cry, but I know if I start...it will take me a while to stop, so since I don't have time to just sit and cry..I blog. It's insane. So to anyone who reads this, please please please pray for me! I am in desperate need of feeling God right now among all of this and I'm so consumed by it all that I'm not allowing myself to stop and just let Him comfort me. So I don't know what else to ask for you to pray about other than just pray that God will be BIG in this. Thanks all.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Unsettled Pieces
Today I have felt very unsettled with my life. For starters, I was writing in my journal about how I have felt weird about God. I can't really say that I feel distance or that I am not satisfied by Him, but something is off. Then there is my longing that I have for more friends. I do not mean this to offend current friends I have, but I felt that at a time, I had a large group and now they have disbanded. I miss having a group that is always ready to actually go and do something or talk about God or just get me the freak out of the house. I mainly miss the conversation piece. I truly love the ones I have in my life, let me clear about that, but I have started to realize that I crave group activities and I crave group discussions about life. As I looked out my window this afternoon at the very dreary day we are having in Lynchburg, I started wondering what more could be out there for me? Does God want me to go anywhere else or am I to stay in Lynchburg longer? And also, is Mr. Right ever going to come? Actually let me first start by saying that I do miss having a group of guy friends. I love my girls, but I am a girl who needs her guy time too. I pretty much only had guy friends growing up, so this period that I am in with my life is very different because I really don't have many guys in my life. I have 2 wonderful guys that I admire and cherish dearly...but where are the others? The 2 that I have, one isn't even in Lynchburg anymore. So if I don't have many guy friends, how am I ever going to have Mr. Right find me? Will he be here in Lynchie? Is God going to take me somewhere else at some point? I realize that all these questions, for me, are actually turning into worries which I am trying not to let overcome me since worrying is not something God wants me to do. He has it all under control. But I do have a free will...where does that come into play? Is God waiting for me to decide to move somewhere? Is He waiting on me to make the first moves in getting new friends? How does that work??
So after going back and forth about some of these issues, and even crying a little about it. (I'm a real emotional person, I know!) I decided to open "My Utmost for His Highest" and read today's entry. It was so cool because I did at least get an answer for my unsettled God issue. It talked about how there will be times in our lives in our journey with Jesus that we will not recognize him. Jesus took on the entire human-self. He experienced hardships and darkness that we deal with in our lives. There may be times when we look at him and see him as that human self and all we can do is stop and stare. We don't recognize him. But we are encouraged to bear through these times of dismay because the outcome will bring us such joy once we start to see him in all Glory. There is more to Jesus than just how he took on human flesh. He is so much beyond our intellectual being that we cannot even begin to number all his characteristics. It will be only through my spiritual growth that I start to see more and more characteristics of him and will start to recognize things I didn't before. This brought me such comfort because obviously that is where I am. I am stopped and just staring at Him, wondering what part of him I am looking at. So obviously it can be unsettling. It's the unknown, yet He knows me. Even as I type this out, my brain can't wrap itself around the whole concept. I don't know if anyone else who reads that will understand that, but I hope it can bring someone clarity like it did me. As for the rest of my unsettled pieces...I will just need to rest assure that everything will fall into place at the right time. I need to make sure I keep surrendering these worries to Him and find joy in what I have.
So after going back and forth about some of these issues, and even crying a little about it. (I'm a real emotional person, I know!) I decided to open "My Utmost for His Highest" and read today's entry. It was so cool because I did at least get an answer for my unsettled God issue. It talked about how there will be times in our lives in our journey with Jesus that we will not recognize him. Jesus took on the entire human-self. He experienced hardships and darkness that we deal with in our lives. There may be times when we look at him and see him as that human self and all we can do is stop and stare. We don't recognize him. But we are encouraged to bear through these times of dismay because the outcome will bring us such joy once we start to see him in all Glory. There is more to Jesus than just how he took on human flesh. He is so much beyond our intellectual being that we cannot even begin to number all his characteristics. It will be only through my spiritual growth that I start to see more and more characteristics of him and will start to recognize things I didn't before. This brought me such comfort because obviously that is where I am. I am stopped and just staring at Him, wondering what part of him I am looking at. So obviously it can be unsettling. It's the unknown, yet He knows me. Even as I type this out, my brain can't wrap itself around the whole concept. I don't know if anyone else who reads that will understand that, but I hope it can bring someone clarity like it did me. As for the rest of my unsettled pieces...I will just need to rest assure that everything will fall into place at the right time. I need to make sure I keep surrendering these worries to Him and find joy in what I have.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Determination
There has been a lot on my mind these days. What better way to sort those thoughts than by blogging! First, yesterday I got caught up in my money situation again. I was doing my bills and getting ready to order more of my face products online and I just got so frustrated with how much stuff costs!! I started freaking out because my bank account has never been so low and I realized that this shopaholic is going to HAVE to make some changes. I always justify my purchases because I always manage to get really great deals and I do need some of the things I have bought, but I'm going to have to start sacrificing even the things I may need. It's already really funny on how I think about budget. My view on budget is, ok I won't buy groceries this week because I know I really want this one outfit. So I choose to eat ramen or have a latte count as my meal. Anyway, so last night I gathered several things and started listing them on ebay. I need to selling things to help me get out of my debt. I'm really excited about this because I feel that I am going to have my credit card paid off really quick if I stick to the plan I've made for myself. Determination is key.
So another thought that has been on my mind is how I have let my life become dull. I am always talking about living life to the fullest, but how many days do I go to work, come home and work on school, watch lame tv, and then go to bed?? Where did my adventure go? What happened to Kara the coordinator of all things fun?! Well..she's back! No more boring life Kara. Because when school is over, then what? I'll look back and remember not doing much. BORING! There are things to do, things to see, people to enjoy, friends to love, encouragement that needs to be spread all over!!! I feel the happiest serving my Jesus by serving my friends. And I view serving my friends by simply just hanging out with them! Lots of serving can happen when hanging out with people...making them food, opening your home, listening to their life situations, dancing out the aggression in our lives haha. Whatever! So I began the "bring back fun Kara" by going sledding the other night. It ended up being only 3 people that came, which was fine, but it was so much fun!! There is something about snow that just brings the kid out of everyone! We videoed the whole thing, I fell on my butt I don't know how many times, but it was fantastic! It felt good to be adventurous again. It felt good to be with my best friends. And this week I have been able to fill my days with just plain fun stuff and I've still managed to get school and work done. I sleep a little less, but that's ok. Well those are my thoughts for now. Thanks for reading :)
So another thought that has been on my mind is how I have let my life become dull. I am always talking about living life to the fullest, but how many days do I go to work, come home and work on school, watch lame tv, and then go to bed?? Where did my adventure go? What happened to Kara the coordinator of all things fun?! Well..she's back! No more boring life Kara. Because when school is over, then what? I'll look back and remember not doing much. BORING! There are things to do, things to see, people to enjoy, friends to love, encouragement that needs to be spread all over!!! I feel the happiest serving my Jesus by serving my friends. And I view serving my friends by simply just hanging out with them! Lots of serving can happen when hanging out with people...making them food, opening your home, listening to their life situations, dancing out the aggression in our lives haha. Whatever! So I began the "bring back fun Kara" by going sledding the other night. It ended up being only 3 people that came, which was fine, but it was so much fun!! There is something about snow that just brings the kid out of everyone! We videoed the whole thing, I fell on my butt I don't know how many times, but it was fantastic! It felt good to be adventurous again. It felt good to be with my best friends. And this week I have been able to fill my days with just plain fun stuff and I've still managed to get school and work done. I sleep a little less, but that's ok. Well those are my thoughts for now. Thanks for reading :)
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