I was introduced to an artisit, well two actually that have been speaking volumes to me lately. Missy Higgins and Holly Brooks. They both know how to speak to a girl's hurting heart, that's for sure. My heart is definitely hurting. There have been a series of events that have happened to me this month that I am sure has something to do with growth or something to that effect. I just want the pain and agony to leave. So going back to these two ladies...my best friend introduced me to this song "They weren't there". I then also really love "Heavy". I try to limit how many times a day I listen to these songs because I have noticed that the music behind these amazing lyrics, does not help me to get out of a depressive state. Friends would be shocked to see me in this state that I am in. I have never been known to be a depressing person. I am normally a very upbeat, happy person. I have tried my hardest to shake out of this rut, but it is going to be the death of me, I swear. I have never felt more alone. I cry a lot. That could be taken as an understatement coming from a girl who cries at the drop of a hat, but it is more than usual. And it is the kind of crying that after a while you shove down but you know you aren't done. I normally have to shove it down though because my roommate will come home, or I am driving in the daylight and I don't want people to see. It doesn't help that this month is also the time that I lost my dad 3 years ago. That pretty much has put the icing on the cake. I'm getting off subject...back to the song. I find that circumstances that I have in my life, people never can see my perspective on it. I end up making enemies about my situations. They may try their hardest to see my point, but I know they don't. This song is an expression of that. People weren't in my situations. They don't have my feelings, my eyes, my heart. So to sum up, I grieve my dad and I also am grieving what I fear to be, a friend. I hate losing people in my life. It hurts. And especially when I have no control over it. I know that this is becoming more rambling than anything else, but what is the point of blogs.. :) Anyway, I'm pretty unsure about myself and what the future holds at the present. I do know that God is in all of it. I know that he is my comforter, and He loves me more than I could ever imagine. I don't really feel that love, but I know it's there. This is just a difficult time. Sorry for such a depressing post, but it's all I got at this point.
