Big Reminders

I love when God smacks you in the face with just a simple good reminder, or two...or 5. I had a good old-fashioned smack-down (all in gentleness, of course) by God during my quiet time this morning. I have been reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" this last week or so and let me tell you, wow! This is the first book I have ever read by Beth Moore. So many of my friends have told me how much they love her books and I will now be one to praise her writing. God has certainly blessed her with an ability to reach into your heart through words and speak to the very core of Scripture. This last chapter I finished reading, I could not manage to even get halfway without needing to go grab by box of tissues. A synopsis of the chapter: all about realizing God loves when we pray BIG, Satan is constantly wanting us to believe the lies he puts in our heads, we do have victory over these lies through Jesus, prepare for battle. Okay, so see what I mean? That is A LOT to take in before 9AM. On top of that are 5 principles Beth wants the reader to remember throughout the book. Those are: 1) I believe God is who He says He is, 2) I believe God will do what He says He will do, 3) I believe I am who God says I am, 4) I believe I can do all things through Jesus Christ, 5) I believe God's Word is living and active in me. So from reading this particular chapter I think I finally realized the current season God has me in. It is a season where God wants me to rest in Him, He hasn't needed me to necessarily to do anything but trust and know HE has it all together for me. And this lesson, as simple as it may sound, has been the hardest time for me. I normally am not a woman who likes to sit back and just let things be, yet I have had to learn this lesson and I continue to learn it. I also have been dealing with a lot of guilt that has been due to things I've done as well as things others have done. I won't go into all details of what those things were as I can't put EVERYTHING out on the blogging world, but I can share what my personal guilt has been. I have been believing a lie that I am stupid. I recently cut back on my hours at work because I was finding a hard time balancing my home life from work. I was suffering from anxiety that I have never experienced, my control tendencies were at their highest, and I was exhausted. And all of this was from a job where I am doing front desk. Not a job where you would think all these symptoms would happen. I would not be a happy wife for my hubbie and we are still complete newlyweds, not even been married a year. I almost felt a depression coming upon me and I hated it. So I have had to swallow taking a huge pay-cut but gaining emotional health and psychological health. My relationship with God has been on the up and up as well which is the most important of all. All this being said, I started to feel stupid. Here I am staying home more (which is what I have really always wanted, to be a domestic housewife) but my poor husband is out everyday slaving away at his job and I have caused us to be in an even more financially tight situation. What was I thinking? Then as I began to read the pages of this book coupled with Scripture, I realized this is a decision that God was involved in as well. My husband and I are tight when it comes to money, but there are definitely ways we could still switch up our budget. I am the world's worst at wanting to constantly eat out or even pick out recipes that require way too many ingredients. These are not necessary things. God revealed to me this morning that this is another way in how He can be glorified. We can show others that you can adjust your lifestyle to better fit what is His will for you. For us, that means I am totally allowed to not work as much. I don't have to feel guilty with the fact that I do find fulfillment in staying home and making our house a home more. I enjoy being the kind of wife who is a safe haven for when my husband comes home from a hard day. That guilt can just melt right off. I believe I am who God says I am and I believe God will do what He says He will do. These two statements need to be said more out-loud by me. Satan no longer has a hold on me with this or any area. I know I will still have my struggles and he will try to take away my victory, but I know my victory was already won. I just need to believe it. Not to write so much because I know I have gone on and on already...I also have realized how much God does deserve to hear my big prayers no matter how "stupid" I may feel. God is deserving enough for me to believe He can still do big things for me and that no matter how He may choose to answer He will be glorified. Whew, in any case...if you haven't read that book, go read it. Especially if you are dealing with your faith and feeling like you are caught in a hum-drum place in your walk. I have been so encouraged!!