Big Reminders

I love when God smacks you in the face with just a simple good reminder, or two...or 5. I had a good old-fashioned smack-down (all in gentleness, of course) by God during my quiet time this morning. I have been reading Beth Moore's "Believing God" this last week or so and let me tell you, wow! This is the first book I have ever read by Beth Moore. So many of my friends have told me how much they love her books and I will now be one to praise her writing. God has certainly blessed her with an ability to reach into your heart through words and speak to the very core of Scripture. This last chapter I finished reading, I could not manage to even get halfway without needing to go grab by box of tissues. A synopsis of the chapter: all about realizing God loves when we pray BIG, Satan is constantly wanting us to believe the lies he puts in our heads, we do have victory over these lies through Jesus, prepare for battle. Okay, so see what I mean? That is A LOT to take in before 9AM. On top of that are 5 principles Beth wants the reader to remember throughout the book. Those are: 1) I believe God is who He says He is, 2) I believe God will do what He says He will do, 3) I believe I am who God says I am, 4) I believe I can do all things through Jesus Christ, 5) I believe God's Word is living and active in me. So from reading this particular chapter I think I finally realized the current season God has me in. It is a season where God wants me to rest in Him, He hasn't needed me to necessarily to do anything but trust and know HE has it all together for me. And this lesson, as simple as it may sound, has been the hardest time for me. I normally am not a woman who likes to sit back and just let things be, yet I have had to learn this lesson and I continue to learn it. I also have been dealing with a lot of guilt that has been due to things I've done as well as things others have done. I won't go into all details of what those things were as I can't put EVERYTHING out on the blogging world, but I can share what my personal guilt has been. I have been believing a lie that I am stupid. I recently cut back on my hours at work because I was finding a hard time balancing my home life from work. I was suffering from anxiety that I have never experienced, my control tendencies were at their highest, and I was exhausted. And all of this was from a job where I am doing front desk. Not a job where you would think all these symptoms would happen. I would not be a happy wife for my hubbie and we are still complete newlyweds, not even been married a year. I almost felt a depression coming upon me and I hated it. So I have had to swallow taking a huge pay-cut but gaining emotional health and psychological health. My relationship with God has been on the up and up as well which is the most important of all. All this being said, I started to feel stupid. Here I am staying home more (which is what I have really always wanted, to be a domestic housewife) but my poor husband is out everyday slaving away at his job and I have caused us to be in an even more financially tight situation. What was I thinking? Then as I began to read the pages of this book coupled with Scripture, I realized this is a decision that God was involved in as well. My husband and I are tight when it comes to money, but there are definitely ways we could still switch up our budget. I am the world's worst at wanting to constantly eat out or even pick out recipes that require way too many ingredients. These are not necessary things. God revealed to me this morning that this is another way in how He can be glorified. We can show others that you can adjust your lifestyle to better fit what is His will for you. For us, that means I am totally allowed to not work as much. I don't have to feel guilty with the fact that I do find fulfillment in staying home and making our house a home more. I enjoy being the kind of wife who is a safe haven for when my husband comes home from a hard day. That guilt can just melt right off. I believe I am who God says I am and I believe God will do what He says He will do. These two statements need to be said more out-loud by me. Satan no longer has a hold on me with this or any area. I know I will still have my struggles and he will try to take away my victory, but I know my victory was already won. I just need to believe it. Not to write so much because I know I have gone on and on already...I also have realized how much God does deserve to hear my big prayers no matter how "stupid" I may feel. God is deserving enough for me to believe He can still do big things for me and that no matter how He may choose to answer He will be glorified. Whew, in any case...if you haven't read that book, go read it. Especially if you are dealing with your faith and feeling like you are caught in a hum-drum place in your walk. I have been so encouraged!!

Becoming Domestic...maybe

I have been terrible at this whole blogging thing, but I always think about writing a new post and then never do it. I always feel more of a need to write when I have reached another large stepping stone in life. A lot has changed for me in the last year or so. The best and biggest change has been I am now a wife! Finally! I have always been the kind of girl when people ask what did I want to be when I grew up, my answer was always a wife and mom. Well the mom thing is not going to be happening anytime soon and to be honest is more something I wrestle with God about in prayer. I have too many feelings of fear and lack of faith in myself to think I could be a good mom. Plus, my husband has 3 children of his own so I guess you could say I already have a glimpse of what motherhood is all about. Since becoming married, I am not working as much at my job. Many people, both men and women, do not full understand why I would want to be at home more. It seems we live in a world now where many women are in the workforce and really have no desire to be stay-at-home wives or moms. I do understand many of them are left with no choice as bills pile up, mouths need to be fed, and they HAVE to work in order to help support their families. Kudos to them! For me, I truly have just never felt called to work. I do realize this may come across that I am simply just a lazy person. I am sure there are people out there who think this means I want to just sit around at home all day watching soap operas while eating bon-bons. Such a cliche way of thinking. But here is my reasoning to being a stay-at-home wife (and maybe one day mom). First, I know a large reason does come from my own upbringing. My mom stayed home with me while I was growing up. She did work up until she had me, but she did cut back on her hours once she was married as well. I believe part of my thinking also comes with the simple fact that I feel this IS my calling. Sure, my husband and I struggle financially like everyone else does. We are currently in the midst of trying to eliminate debt and rack up our savings so we can live comfortably at a retirement age. We are blessed that he has a job that he, for the most part, enjoys and can possibly have an early retirement. I would rather us have to eat PB&J sandwiches and Ramen Noodles for dinner in order to sacrifice me being home. I desire to learn to sew and possibly even have my own quilt business. Those who know me already know I can be extremely OCD when it comes to cleaning so this is always a daily chore for me. Are there days where I don't feel like doing much of anything and want to just sit on my butt? Sure. But then I think, my husband is out there working his butt off...I need to make myself productive and do things around the house! Sometimes I think I was meant to live in the days of the 50s where most women did work in the home. They made their own curtains, cooked for most of the day, cleaned everyday, and provided for their children at home. Susie home-maker. That's me. So even though many do not understand and clearly make their opinions known to me, I have to shut it all off. My role as a wife is to love my husband and to be submissive to him. My role in general is to love God and serve others. By me becoming a "domesticated wife" is my way of being able to do these roles with due diligence. I feel I am best loving my husband when I can make sure our house is a home for him to come to after a hard day. I believe I am best serving my God by spending quality time with Him and allowing myself to have an open schedule to volunteer maybe at church. That is my rant for today. I am going to try and do better at updating this blog more. If nothing else, it does give me something to do and perhaps can help others out there too. Until next time!

Healthy Lifestyle-Easier said than done!

My 7 day diet ended up bombing after day 5. I became sick with all the meat and tomatoes I had to eat that I decided it wasn't worth becoming sick! I had a heart to heart talk with my fiance about all of it too and he opened my eyes to the fact that I am always looking for "quick fixes". I love him so much for being able to be so open and honest with me! He is right most of the time too. I started to realize how many fast diets I have done and how many times I felt like I failed because I either didn't finish the diet or I didn't lose enough on it. So many times I have attempted to just live a healthy lifestyle by choosing to cook at home, take my lunch to work, watch how much I eat out. I fail at this a lot too. I don't want to get caught up in any fad diets that New Years will offer so I am choosing to just attempt this healthy lifestyle again. I am going to limit how often I eat out, pack my lunch, drink lots of water, and cook at home. I really do enjoy cooking so I need to get back into doing that! I also need to be honest on another issue...alcohol. I can consume quite a bit of it and I enjoy it. I don't drink for the purpose of getting drunk or even to get a buzz. I simply enjoy a glass of wine or beer with my meals. It is now become quite the issue with my weight though. I can consume more than the average woman can (according to many of my friends) and all it is is empty calories. So I have now asked my fiance to be a better accountability with me on this. We are both going to not drink when we go out to eat and limit how much we drink altogether. So here we go...good recipe finding and grocery lists galore!

Veggies and Food Network

I survived day 1!! I don't know what it is about being on a diet that drives me to torture myself by watching Food Network, but it happened last night. I was scanning my usual channels that I tend to watch frequently and I came upon "Drive-ins, Diners, and Dives" which is one of my favorite shows to watch. Why I decided to keep watching while I was eating on my fruit I have no idea. I even began going on Pinterest and pinning every good meal I could find that I think I may try to prepare after this kick off diet. Yea, real smart to come up with more recipes to make that will only add my weight back! Some actual positive beginnings to this diet were the encouraging comments I was able to receive from my fiance as well as one of my best friends. I shared with both of them this journey I am going to embark on and they both were very excited for me and did nothing but encourage me to stick with it. So this morning I started out my "All Veggie" day with a baked potato per the diets instructions and I am finshing up my morning routine so I can get to the Shred! In regards to my Spiritual journey, I received more confirmation in my quiet time with the Lord that He definitely has this whole diet/exercise plan in mind for me for a specific reason. In self motivating, I really am relying on Him all the more to be my strength and to help me in my health. It is a trust game I am playing with God once again. This season the Lord has me in right now is preparing me for marriage and I am learning that my relationship with God needs to be to a level of intimacy that will sustain even after I add my partner. I think as women we are susceptible to looking at our mate to be our savior too often. I don't want to do that as it is very dangerous! So I am taking this a day at a time and looking forward to great results!

A New Season Begins Spiritually and Physically

I am excited to launch this new blog with new title. There have been so many changes happening in my life that I am extremely excited about! The biggest change in my life has been getting engaged to the love of my life! We are currently in the midst of planning our wedding which is taking place in March 2013. I have become so consumed with my work schedule and planning this wedding that I have neglected many things. The number one priority in my life is my relationship with the Lord. I have my daily time with Him each morning, but it hasn't been enough. In addition to neglecting my relationship with God, I have also slacked majorly on my diet and exercise. I have reached a point where I have had enough. Or rather God has had enough. He slapped me in a big way this past weekend and also this morning with how I need to start devoting more time with Him as well as motivate myself to start losing the pounds. I know many women out there struggle with weight gain and finding the time and motivation to work out, eat right, etc. My hope is to use this blog now as a way for me to self motivate and track my weight loss progression as well as stay on target with where I am with the Lord. I do have my own personal journal that I write in each and every day but there is something to be said about putting struggles and vulnerability out on the internet. It can be a sort of accountability for me. In my past, I have been able to find work out buddies or roommates to diet with or eat healthy. The season of life that I am in right now does not allow for those "helps". It is time for me to find my own way to self-motivate. So here is where I begin...my weight right now is 155 (yes, I did put my weight on here). I am truly wanting to be back in the 130s but I do want to do this in a healthy manner. I have found certain diets to work for me and food changes to benefit me in weight loss in my past. One of these is what is called the GM diet. So Day One for me has consisted of doing Jillian Michael's Shred Video and eating only fruits today. I feel like this time that I will be spending on dieting and exercising is also increasing my faith. It becomes my time with God. The work out itself was extremely hard for me as I learned how much I am out of shape, but I finished! :) As a typical bride, I want to look good on my wedding day but also look good for my husband for the honeymoon and for many years after! So here we go on this new journey for me and for my spiritually and physically healthy new lifestyle.

Leaning on His promises

God has placed another testing of my faith before me. I am currently unemployed and am learning to trust Him in finding my new path soon. I used to look forward to the day where I didn't have to wake up to go to work everyday. I now miss that and it has only been 1 full week without a job. I am such a person of routine that this is throwing me for a loop. I like structure, plans, schedules, and knowing what I am doing from one day to the next. The Lord is breaking this of me. He is teaching me so much about relying solely on Him and letting go of my plans. I tend to need a refresher course in this lesson annually. Guess it must be that time again. I am standing on the promise that He has always been faithful to always show me my next step. The time that it may take in getting me to that step may vary. Leaning on His promises is the only thing that gets me from one day to the next. I am so very thankful for the support system that has surrounded me as well. I will count my blessings as my last job was creating nothing but burn-out for me anyway. I look forward to seeing what He has in store for me next.

Fear like Peter

As I was doing my QT this morning, I read the passage about when Jesus asked Peter to come to him which required Peter to have faith as he would walk on the water to Jesus. As soon as Peter began to focus on the circumstances that surrounded him (the wind, the water, etc) he started to sink. He let his fear take over his faith. How often do I do the same? All the time. This is just a lesson for me today as I recognize I have been letting circumstances overcome my faith in Jesus. By clinging to my Savior and seeking His face, it is only then that I can truly overcome the circumstances that surround me. In this life I am guaranteed to have all kinds of problems and struggles. I will face situations that will seem impossible to overcome. I will experience pain and strife when others disappoint me or hurt me, intentional or not. I must draw close to my Lord and Savior to be my strength and my shield. I can learn from Peter and see how quickly I can lose sight of Jesus, but also how quickly He is there to rescue me.