Unsettled Pieces

Today I have felt very unsettled with my life. For starters, I was writing in my journal about how I have felt weird about God. I can't really say that I feel distance or that I am not satisfied by Him, but something is off. Then there is my longing that I have for more friends. I do not mean this to offend current friends I have, but I felt that at a time, I had a large group and now they have disbanded. I miss having a group that is always ready to actually go and do something or talk about God or just get me the freak out of the house. I mainly miss the conversation piece. I truly love the ones I have in my life, let me clear about that, but I have started to realize that I crave group activities and I crave group discussions about life. As I looked out my window this afternoon at the very dreary day we are having in Lynchburg, I started wondering what more could be out there for me? Does God want me to go anywhere else or am I to stay in Lynchburg longer? And also, is Mr. Right ever going to come? Actually let me first start by saying that I do miss having a group of guy friends. I love my girls, but I am a girl who needs her guy time too. I pretty much only had guy friends growing up, so this period that I am in with my life is very different because I really don't have many guys in my life. I have 2 wonderful guys that I admire and cherish dearly...but where are the others? The 2 that I have, one isn't even in Lynchburg anymore. So if I don't have many guy friends, how am I ever going to have Mr. Right find me? Will he be here in Lynchie? Is God going to take me somewhere else at some point? I realize that all these questions, for me, are actually turning into worries which I am trying not to let overcome me since worrying is not something God wants me to do. He has it all under control. But I do have a free will...where does that come into play? Is God waiting for me to decide to move somewhere? Is He waiting on me to make the first moves in getting new friends? How does that work??

So after going back and forth about some of these issues, and even crying a little about it. (I'm a real emotional person, I know!) I decided to open "My Utmost for His Highest" and read today's entry. It was so cool because I did at least get an answer for my unsettled God issue. It talked about how there will be times in our lives in our journey with Jesus that we will not recognize him. Jesus took on the entire human-self. He experienced hardships and darkness that we deal with in our lives. There may be times when we look at him and see him as that human self and all we can do is stop and stare. We don't recognize him. But we are encouraged to bear through these times of dismay because the outcome will bring us such joy once we start to see him in all Glory. There is more to Jesus than just how he took on human flesh. He is so much beyond our intellectual being that we cannot even begin to number all his characteristics. It will be only through my spiritual growth that I start to see more and more characteristics of him and will start to recognize things I didn't before. This brought me such comfort because obviously that is where I am. I am stopped and just staring at Him, wondering what part of him I am looking at. So obviously it can be unsettling. It's the unknown, yet He knows me. Even as I type this out, my brain can't wrap itself around the whole concept. I don't know if anyone else who reads that will understand that, but I hope it can bring someone clarity like it did me. As for the rest of my unsettled pieces...I will just need to rest assure that everything will fall into place at the right time. I need to make sure I keep surrendering these worries to Him and find joy in what I have.