Leaning on His promises

God has placed another testing of my faith before me. I am currently unemployed and am learning to trust Him in finding my new path soon. I used to look forward to the day where I didn't have to wake up to go to work everyday. I now miss that and it has only been 1 full week without a job. I am such a person of routine that this is throwing me for a loop. I like structure, plans, schedules, and knowing what I am doing from one day to the next. The Lord is breaking this of me. He is teaching me so much about relying solely on Him and letting go of my plans. I tend to need a refresher course in this lesson annually. Guess it must be that time again. I am standing on the promise that He has always been faithful to always show me my next step. The time that it may take in getting me to that step may vary. Leaning on His promises is the only thing that gets me from one day to the next. I am so very thankful for the support system that has surrounded me as well. I will count my blessings as my last job was creating nothing but burn-out for me anyway. I look forward to seeing what He has in store for me next.

Fear like Peter

As I was doing my QT this morning, I read the passage about when Jesus asked Peter to come to him which required Peter to have faith as he would walk on the water to Jesus. As soon as Peter began to focus on the circumstances that surrounded him (the wind, the water, etc) he started to sink. He let his fear take over his faith. How often do I do the same? All the time. This is just a lesson for me today as I recognize I have been letting circumstances overcome my faith in Jesus. By clinging to my Savior and seeking His face, it is only then that I can truly overcome the circumstances that surround me. In this life I am guaranteed to have all kinds of problems and struggles. I will face situations that will seem impossible to overcome. I will experience pain and strife when others disappoint me or hurt me, intentional or not. I must draw close to my Lord and Savior to be my strength and my shield. I can learn from Peter and see how quickly I can lose sight of Jesus, but also how quickly He is there to rescue me.

Passenger Seat

I have a serious disorder called control. I am constantly trying to take the wheel or sit in the driver's seat pretending I won't start the car. This week came to head for me last night as I was talking to my boyfriend about future events. It didn't come full circle to me until this morning when I was able to sit in the quiet of the Lord's presence that this has everything to do with a heart issue. I am not practicing patience, I am not leaning on God's understanding, I am not looking to His timing, and I am not seeking His will. I am wanting to go by my own agenda and by doing so I have ended up feeling rushed, unhappy, stressed, and moody. I wonder why.
For those that even take the time to read this blog will discover a little secret. My boyfriend and I are talking marriage. We both are confident in the fact that this is something the Lord has revealed to us both that He placed us together for good. What I know I have failed in is seeking the when, where, etc. I have taken control as I normally do and have done things the way I want them. There is so much going on in both of our lives at the same time that last night I finally started to admit, "maybe soon isn't the best idea". I am extremely anxious to marry this man. Once you find him, you want to just hit "play" and keep going. Especially at this stage in my life. When you are ready, you're ready.
Then I recalled the "practice what you preach". I am constantly telling my best friend and others in relationships to take their time. To enjoy each moment of their relationship bc its the dating phase that is the most fun. I have lost what that is and I am ashamed to admit it. He is still first and foremost my best friend. I have sadly taken away his leadership capabilities and decided things for myself. He has graciously gone along with everything because he only wants me happy and he is that type of person, but it is wrong. HE needs to lead me.
So back I go into the passenger seat. We may figure out that the time-line for this wedding will still take place when we were thinking, but I am calming down about that. God needs to reveal that to my guy. I don't want it revealed to me because then I will run with it again and back to the driver's seat I go. So I may as well get comfortable because the passenger seat is where I belong and where I must stay.

Wakeup call #2

Apparently even on a Saturday morning God did not want me to have any excuse for spending time with Him in the same way I had time yesterday morning. He woke me up again this morning a little closer to 4:30am but I stayed in bed until around 5:30. I finally surrendered any hope of going back to sleep and decided He needed my attention (as if He doesn't deserve my attention anyways).

This morning's lesson was about how many times I want to believe that my mistakes will cause the Lord to be upset with me to a point of loving me less until I understand the severity of my actions. I was reminded this morning of Romans 2:38-39 which speaks to this very lesson. The short version of these verses is that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. Period. Those verses pretty much touch on any area that I could possibly conj-our up in my pea-headed brain. There is absolutely not reason for me to keep believing in a lie that if I mess up in my walk with God consciously or sub-consciously that HE will love me any less. I am still His daughter. I am still loved beyond measure. He knows every hair that is on my head and formed me in my mother's womb. He knows me inside-out. On days when I think Will knows me better than no other I am wrong. HE knows me and loves me more than even he can.

Bottom line, great wake up call #2.

5am wake up call

God woke me up around 5am this morning. This doesn't happen often but normally when it does, I don't fight trying to go back to sleep because I know I won't get to sleep. I got up, made my coffee, and started my quiet time. I was excited to read what my devotion talked about today because I figured if God had me up this early He obviously had something to say. Funny enough, my devotion was definitely worth reading but not necessarily worth a 5am wake up call. I finished my devotion and journaling my prayers and concerns and still waited for God to explain to me why I am up so early. Then I thought, does God really need to explain Himself to me?? Then I chuckle.

Then I realize as I have a few candles lit, my small decorative (not Christmas) tree lit, and the only sound is my heat cutting on and off that I haven't sat in the stillness for quite some time. Most of my neighbors are beginning to wake up, but there is a stillness this morning and it is very nice. Maybe all God wanted me for this morning was to sit in His stillness. To stop and be quiet for a little while and not really think on anything except just Him. I thought I would feel tired but I don't. In fact, I really do enjoy mornings like this if I can just drag myself out of bed. When I used to wake up really early for my job in Roanoke I actually enjoyed being up before it seemed the rest of the world was. My dad used to wake up early every morning no matter what day of the week it was. I used to think he was crazy and sometimes I still do because I am a person who requires a lot of sleep. I now understand that perhaps dad loved being up so early because it was only in the quiet that he could truly feel the Lord's presence. It was a time where as the rest of the family slept, he could be by himself with no distractions.

I hesitate to write that I would love to continue this tradition because I know it will require me dragging myself out of my comfy bed on mornings where I may not want to be up so early, but I do think God is teaching me a lesson even as I type this post. The reason so many people in Scripture rose early had nothing to do with it just being the culture and everything to do with God wanting us all to reflect on Him first as we rise. We can have this precious time with Him before we become so involved in our to-do lists and priorities at work. I have failed to remember how important this is. I have my QT with Him each morning but its as many thing already have started up. I would wake up already thinking of my to-do list that day, whereas waking this early gives me plenty of time to be with the Lord of Creation FIRST before my brain can even begin to process what the day holds.

My wake up call may not always be 5am, but it definitely needs to be earlier than what I've made it.

God Is Love in ALL Things!

Growing up I used to hate and despise change! This blog has focused a lot around that. Throughout my late twenties I have experienced so much change it has made my head spin. More change seems to be coming my way and I have learned to take it as it comes. My tendency in the past has been to fight it off and complain. I'm choosing to pick my battles, after all God wins no matter what :)

I've learned what it means to not act more spiritual than I am lately. Sometimes I don't have all the answers. I must lean on the spiritual discernment I get from the Lord. I ask for His wisdom and guidance throughout everything life throws my way. In doing this, decisions that I may make are not always going to win over the people that surround me. I let guilt from others enter into my thoughts way too much. I am constantly wanting to please everyone and stay on the positive side of everyone's opinions. I really need to surrender this over.

I have learned how much God's love can cover me. He is always on my side. He may not always love things that I do, but He still loves ME. I try to do right by Scripture, I seek His face and counsel in all things, and try to never be anxious but present all things as my prayer and petition to Him. I have learned to lean on Him and Him alone. I have learned how much I cherish those around me who can give sound advice, yet keep opinions to themselves. As long as I follow the Lord, they continue to love and support me. I am truly thankful for that.

I've learned how much wisdom my mom has and how much I haven't given her credit for her relationship with God. I would boast too much and think too much of myself in thinking I knew more than her when it came to spiritual matters. I have since repented and asked her forgiveness for doing so. She is my mom. She tries her best to seek the Lord as my parent and friend. She wants only what is best. The Lord gave her me to take care and watch over. I seek God's love shown to me through her. It is a beautiful thing.

So in all things, God is love. Never underestimate how much He loves you!

An Old Friend

I have neglected to write and keep up with this blog for quite some time. Recent developments in my life have prompted me to pick it back up again. I have found through my writing I am able to reflect and see how good the Lord truly is to me. Remembering I had this blog, I took some time to read over past blogs. I have poured my heart out into so many of these posts and saw how I have overcome (only through Jesus!) so many situations in my life. I would love to think that my life will consist of nothing but rainbows and butterflies but that simply is not so. Who grows from nothing but happiness in their life? My greatest battles have defined who I am today. Even a mist the happiest of times in my life, God is always pruning and teaching along the way.

As of late, I have acquired someone very special to me. It only took 28 years for me to find him (or him me, I'm not sure). One thing is very certain...God orchestrated it all which deserves nothing short of an "amen"! I am now dating my best friend. Him and I have been through and watched each other in some of the battles I have written about. We still incur battles even now, but we have stuck by one another. My warm fuzzy, romantic self says he is the best thing that God has put into my life. I have seen how skeptical I had become on believing their was such a man as he. I am cherished, loved, adored, prayed for, encouraged, blown away, and so many other words that I can't even express. So much more than that is how our hearts seem to just naturally fit. So our story begins...a journey that I have been waiting a long time for God to place into my life. I am excited for so many things. I am excited to see how I feel so comfortable with this man. I am excited to see how I still put God exactly where He needs to be in this relationship as I have failed on that so many other times before. I had the tendency to want to place my significant others on pedestals while God took a back seat. Not this time. Maybe it is my age, maybe it is the season I have been in for some time, who knows but either way I am blessed.

Our relationship is one that has many opinions thrown our way. This is also nothing new to me as I know new relationships will always have skeptics and cheerleaders. Ultimately, God is our Judge and our Guide. We are fully relying on HIM to show us the way and guide our steps. We have both never felt such peace about each decision we make as we do now. I believe God has given me a real sense and Spirit of discernment. I know when I am being obedient and when I am not. Your fruit will show as evidence of that as well. In this, I am being obedient. We have sought counsel, and we have already seen evidence of God's hand on this relationship. True miracles have been shown which has been, for lack of a better word, awesome!!!

I will try harder at continuing to write especially with new developments. Let this season of my life's journey begin...