Power Outage...Best Thing Ever!

Time for me to make some serious updates on this thing. It appears that blogging is really becoming quite the fad these days, and I intend to be one of "those" who keep up with it. So what has the end of sucky 2008 and beginning of enlightening 2009 brought you may ask?? I shall share regardless of if you care of not. I would ask that if you read my posts, please comment so that I do know that I do have some sort of fan base :) The end of 2008 was surprisingly very good...at least the last night of 2008 was. I went to Melting Pot with Katie and Caitlyn to toast to the New Year and I have to say that the challenge of coming up with resolutions was really great with these two girls.

*The end of the night all the waiters gave us every balloon from the restaurant. We closed the place down so it was a good time had by all!


I decided on a few things. First things first is to get out of this stupid debt I am in. Unfortunately I made the dumbest move ever to have this HUGE shopping spree to take out some aggression. Ah what the heck, these things are all about spilling your guts anyway and hey! I'm an open book....I went on a shopping spree the night I found out that my mom is dating this guy. I definitely need to find another venue to taking out any frustration or anxiety because I am still paying for this decision I made. (I will look cute getting out of debt though, that's the only plus to this story ha!). So that's number one...which probably with counteract with my second resolution, traveling more. How do I expect to travel more when I don't have the money to do it? Good question, but I am determined to get out of debt FAST so that then I can travel more later! I have some pretty good connections of people around the US and I intend on using the fact that they offer for me to come see them. My roommate Marlene has been after me to come to San Diego as well as my friend James, so I definitely need to make that a priority. I also have a good friend of mine who lives in LA that I want to see too. She works for Live Nation. They put on all sorts of concerts and such...(interject conceited story here....this particular friend scored me Dave Matthews tickets this year, so I am going Apr. 18th to Charlottesville to see them!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UUUUber excited about this one!....(back to what I was saying)....what was I saying? Oh right..resolutions. I think thirdly I have got to work on not sweating the small stuff. It is absolutely ridiculous when I think about the amount of time that I put into people who don't give a care! If people don't want to take the time to be my friends, then that's ok. I will live. I don't need to bust my butt off trying to win them over. I also don't need to be anyone's Saviour. THAT is just absurd! I have a God and so they. I don't need to put more pressure on myself to think that I need to fix anyone. Ok so now that I have brought everyone up to where I am at the start of 2009, onward to the purpose of this post...

I lost my electricity yesterday because of the ice we had in Lynchburg. Okay now we did not really get much ice, but somehow it managed to shut the power off, weird. Anyway! So it was a little cold, I do have gas logs but as I mentioned before about trying to get out of debt....cranking those suckers on would do no good in helping me SAVE money. So I looked at this as a great opportunity to potentially save at least $20 on my power bill haha. My roommate has a jeep kind of car so she was able to make it to school to work. I, on the other hand, was stuck because my car was in the garage. (For those that are thinking, "You can manually open it yourself, Kara"...I didn't think of this until too late..yes, yes, blonde I know!) SO! I did a little work from home. My boss constantly text messages me even when I'm not in the office anyway so this was no different than any other day. The dude would seriously lose his business if it weren't for me and I'm pretty much that is okay for me to say because he would admit it himself. He knows nothing without me. So back to me sitting in the cold dark..I tried to get my friend to come pick me up, but he couldn't. So then I'm thinking, Great! now what?!
For those that know me well, I hate being by myself for any extended period of time unless I am completely burned out. That is rare. So what do I do? Clean!! As I was cleaning, I prayed because to be honest, that can be the hardest thing for me to do. I just don't always think to pray, go figure! So I start talking out loud to God which is sometimes the best thing for me to do because my mind will start to wonder if I don't. It ended up being phenomenal! I found that I have been neglecting God. I actually have been putting my own ambitions in front of what maybe God has to say about my life. God totally needed this time of power outage to get my attention. I felt refreshed. And it wasn't really for that long. This all happened in a matter of maybe an hour. But I needed this. So the power outage...a blessing in disguise. So then when my friend called to check on me..he probably would've come and gotten me by then, but I decided, nah! I need to be with my Lord instead.

God is awesome like that, don't you think?

Leap of Faith

Perhaps that isn' the best title for this entry. I fear that those that may read this might chuckle at what I am about to say. Every Christmas season I end up going to about an average of 3 shows. I love the theater and the music in each one. Some do not know this, but in high school even before that, I lived to perform. LOVED it!!! There was a thrill about being on a stage knowing that everyone viewed you as entertainment. It was awesome. Dancing has always been my passion. I do love to sing, I do think that is a gift that Lord has given me (not tooting my own horn), but singing AND dancing together...even better. About 2 years ago, I was in Myrtle Beach seeing the Carolina Opry Christmas show. I seriously started to consider doing that. I thought how exciting that life would be. I love the thought of practicing over and over again. I love the thought of being surrounded by the same people all the time and forming such a deep relationship that they become your family. Then there is the final product. People actually paying money to watch someone just use their gifts and talents. Well...the thought is coming back. I may be going really extreme here, but what if this is something that I am being called to?? You can be Christ in a theater just as much as you can at an office job. And I would love it. It's something to think about. First step is research. Finding what it takes to audition...I fear that voice lessons may need to enter my life again...maybe a few dance classes. Who knows. This may be just something I feel passionate about for a season and never follow thru (I tend to have those a lot), but I don't know. It's worth a shot, I think. Thoughts??

Complacent

I realize that there may be something to be said for you deciding where your life is going. There is something to be said for someone to determine how they may feel everyday. I could wake up everyday and make a conscious effort to just be be happy about everything in my life right now, no matter what. Easier said that done right? I hate that. At this point in my life, within the last...oh, I don't know...2-3 months I have been feeling very routine lately. There is nothing wrong with routine, but I guess I'm wondering if there is something more to life than what I'm doing this very minute. I have always loved where I lived, the people, the familiarity, everything. But not lately...even though I may still have just as many friends as I did before, I am feeling more lonely. I love my house, truly I do, but I'm just feeling ho-hum about it all. Perhaps this could be the Lord placing on my heart that a change is coming and a move will take place. I don't know. No idea where I would go, no desire to go anywhere at all. Maybe at my age, you just find yourself in these ruts. My relationship with God is good. I am on my knees, face in Scripture, seeking His will for my life constantly. But do you ever feel like even when you are doing all those things, you experience a silence? And you know that silence means something, but you have no idea what? Not a fan of that either. I suppose I will look back on this as a "growing time" in my life. Gotta hate that... :) Fake it to make it. That's how I feel my life is these days...insight??

They Weren't There

I was introduced to an artisit, well two actually that have been speaking volumes to me lately. Missy Higgins and Holly Brooks. They both know how to speak to a girl's hurting heart, that's for sure. My heart is definitely hurting. There have been a series of events that have happened to me this month that I am sure has something to do with growth or something to that effect. I just want the pain and agony to leave. So going back to these two ladies...my best friend introduced me to this song "They weren't there". I then also really love "Heavy". I try to limit how many times a day I listen to these songs because I have noticed that the music behind these amazing lyrics, does not help me to get out of a depressive state. Friends would be shocked to see me in this state that I am in. I have never been known to be a depressing person. I am normally a very upbeat, happy person. I have tried my hardest to shake out of this rut, but it is going to be the death of me, I swear. I have never felt more alone. I cry a lot. That could be taken as an understatement coming from a girl who cries at the drop of a hat, but it is more than usual. And it is the kind of crying that after a while you shove down but you know you aren't done. I normally have to shove it down though because my roommate will come home, or I am driving in the daylight and I don't want people to see. It doesn't help that this month is also the time that I lost my dad 3 years ago. That pretty much has put the icing on the cake. I'm getting off subject...back to the song. I find that circumstances that I have in my life, people never can see my perspective on it. I end up making enemies about my situations. They may try their hardest to see my point, but I know they don't. This song is an expression of that. People weren't in my situations. They don't have my feelings, my eyes, my heart. So to sum up, I grieve my dad and I also am grieving what I fear to be, a friend. I hate losing people in my life. It hurts. And especially when I have no control over it. I know that this is becoming more rambling than anything else, but what is the point of blogs.. :) Anyway, I'm pretty unsure about myself and what the future holds at the present. I do know that God is in all of it. I know that he is my comforter, and He loves me more than I could ever imagine. I don't really feel that love, but I know it's there. This is just a difficult time. Sorry for such a depressing post, but it's all I got at this point.

Guitars and Coffee

Tonight my friend had a show at a coffee shop. These times have started to become the times that I look most forward to. You never know who you are going to meet at these things, and plus the music in the background is awesome too! This particular friend, I am most proud of. I believe I have been to every show he has ever played since I met him and his talent never seems to old. I would even say that with every show, he gets better and better at it. The same songs are sung, and I love that I can sing along now too. It's moments like these that warm my heart. I can look around at a group of people most of whom I don't know, but they are all there to support the same person. Everyone is carrying in their own conversations, but no one is in a bad mood. Who goes to a concert in a bad mood?? Maybe someone, but a lot of the people I know, don't. At least not to local shows like this one. Everyone has a great time. I laugh and wonder if having thoughts like this make me sound like an old grandma. You know the kind of older ladies who end up just sitting back people-watching, not paying any attention to anyone in particular, just enjoying the moment. I like having those moments. If it makes me sound old, oh well! I am glad that I get to go to bed tonight feeling that I have lived today to its extent. And to my talented friend, keep on rocking out...I will never grow tired of hearing you play!! Love you and goodnight.

Shadows

I had a great epiphany come to me while I was sitting at work today. I am excited to be the shadow of my husband. I am not married now, and I can't say I want to be married tomorrow. I do think I have reached a point in my life where I know more about myself and I am ready to be in a relationship that is headed towards marriage. It's amazing how much more I feel I know about myself even from just last year. But I'm getting off track. I was gazing outside at all the trees around and the shadows from them that move as the wind moves the trees. And I started thinking about how with every minute of the day, those shadows move as the sun moves. It reminded me of a husband and wife. Shadows can be like seasons in life. I can use my friends as an example right now since I have so many that are near and dear to me. I love for my friends to be right beside me sometimes in things in my life...there is a point where you may be walking outside and your shadow is directly next to you. There are other times when you need friends to push you a little, and be behind you. Then I need times where I want to be the follower...you get the point. This is how I want to be for my husband. I know that most men want to know that no matter what, their spouse is going to stick beside them, but I like the thought that sometimes they need their wife to give them a little push and support and they always need to be the leader of the relationship. Just a thought I had today...and I liked it :)

Blue Skies

I am just in awe of how blue the sky can be. I feel as though with each new day, the sky can be a totally different shade of blue every time. I absolutely LOVE IT! I just finished putting me son-of-a-gun desk together in my new office. I decided to set up the desk so that I can look out the window at those blue ridge mountains. I have the window open so that I may breathe fresh air. It's awesome..truly awesome. Don't you love that little warm feeling you get in your heart when you can look out your window and just feel "home". I love that where I am right now....where I am living..it's home.